One thing they don't tell you is that Chemo's pretty shite If they did no one would do it and there'd never be the fight at least not one where poison is pumped into your body followed by three weeks of drugs insidious and shoddy
And yet still here with cancer it's a choice which must remain as you're always in the driving seat and the most to lose or gain I made the choice to leave it two infusions; six weeks in as it took away the best of me stopped me being; stopped my grin
That was right and right for me the opposite for others such is hindsight's privilege and the knowledge that it smothers Ten days followed, painful, long and the allegory of that choice from the car crash of withdrawal I now embrace and yes, rejoice
For though still a work in progress another change has taken place and one that's for the better as you can see from gait and face The CT scan at end of month will go ahead as planned But for the moment chemotherapy in this body is now banned.
[When, five months ago I was faced with two choices – three months, or chemotherapy and the chance of more, that’s kind of a no brainer. But, there’s also quality of life to think about. That might mean a shorter time. But a qualitative life has so much added value and is absolutely the only choice for me. So that’s the path I’ve now taken. ‘Joie de vivre!’]
It was a beautiful freedom as sleep finally came and relaxed in my bed I found slumber again admittedly drug-induced (new painkillers prescribed) but the change they have brought tangibility cried So perhaps now I'll find after two months of this a route to the freedom and a path to the bliss
I have to say Christmas this year's slipped me by Been preoccupied other things on the fly But I noticed the date just yesterday and realised it was coming and close now at hand And it filled me with joy a calm and a peace which I need at this time as a kind of release
Sleep when it comes, if only a rest
unencumbered by whirlwinds is simply the best
There are still aches and pains and lying still in the night
is still problematic with whirlwinds in sight
But they've left me alone for the first time aware
so I'm feeling at ease with none of that scare
And that's a good thing, in itself fairly resting
evidenced here by these lines now attesting
Yes, I rose from my bed to write them all down
but that's the wont of a poet which will ne'er bring a frown
And the best thing of all is both body and mind
it seems are now tuned back to slumber inclined
Spent some time to reminisce
about the past and days of bliss
Bursts of life just like a kiss
that passes all us by
No melancholy here with this
and if it came I'd swift dismiss
for this is hit and never miss
I know the reason why
There's nothing here which is amiss
all part of promise and a wish
fulfilled in time to replenish
with a contented sigh
Captured moments, those to oneself
Rare, most will agree
So they are to cherish when happenstance
Affords soliloquy
Quiet and solitude are such
That to a pensive mind
A moment of contentment is
The rarest gift to find
I come back here from time to time
this halcyon place that's wholly mine
Sometimes here I'll stay a while
as memories oft bring a smile
Sometimes the trigger is left field
comes by surprise but fate is sealed
as n'er can I resist its charm
and never will it do me harm
Other times I'll take the plunge
and willingly to that place lunge
as here the charm of all my years
is evidenced by laughs and tears
So ofter will I visit here
as it will always bring me cheer
Halcyon days for minds eye flair
captured treasures mine to share
This hallowed place deep in my mind
chiselled here and mine to find
is always present, ever there
in my best interests, grace and care
I sat quiet of a morning with sunshine outside
here in the peace of this place
with the things I love most close by and at hand
feeling blessed to be given this grace
For that's what it is unequivocal there
a gift given gracefully free
to have and to hold and to use to its best
the life which is all about me
And I am its custodian so wisdom expects
no falter in duty or task
So I'll honour that grace and do as I'm bid
as that isn't a great deal to ask
Spent a while with Old Father Thames
as it meandered slow to the sea
far to the east from where I was then
down in the Thames Estuary
As here I am bathed in late evening sun
in Brentford, West London this week
May's weather sees summer returning at last
evident here as I speak
For this evening the peace by the river is fine
almost quiet in a London-like way
slow with assurance now work's day is done
to show itself to me today
In a while I will wander back to the hotel
but for now with contentment complete
I'll sit here and watch as the river rolls by
satisfied and relaxed and replete
...all about me and my life in words. I write most days, carrying an ideas book around in which I capture a word snapshot of life around me. So there's a lot here about Sussex and the sea and anything else I see that inspires.
The pictures are mine too. Some taken to match a poem; some poems written to match a pic; others chosen because they work well with words written.
Jemverse is life in words. Hope you enjoy the reading as much as I enjoy the writing...
Jemverse 